I hate that I love you

My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up a few days ago. We still live together. I’m so emotionally distraught right now. My sleep is off, I haven’t been eating. I CRY ALL THE TIME. Meanwhile he’s in his room gaming, laughing, scrolling like it’s no big deal while I’m soaking my dogs fur with tears. I know it’s only in this moment because with time things will get better. I applied for a new apartment when I’m able to get out of the lease and have taken steps towards trying to heal. But the physical presence of seeing him or hearing him everyday just makes me feel like I’m not making any progress. I keep trying to allow myself to cry, allow myself to feel, journal and practice grounding techniques but I can’t fight the feeling of “ I hope he changes his mind”. I know I have to be strong because this shows my brain he’s not my person. My person wouldn’t do this to me. But my heart won’t let go yet. Thanks for letting me have space to rant