So sick of this

Just wrapped up my fourth mini IVF retrieval, first paying completely out of pocket due to insurance maxing out at 3 retrievals.

My follicle count was the highest it’s ever been. Even with uneven sizes/growth I could see that even my super pragmatic RE was getting excited. Then at my Thursday appointment his tone changed and I knew deep down it wasn’t going to be as good as we hoped.

Went in this AM with 6 follicles. They got 2 eggs.

I know that it “only takes one” but that hasn’t been the case thus far.

I’m so sad, I’m dreading the updates from the clinic because I’m so conditioned to bad news that it feels more like a matter of “when” than “if”.

I wish I wanted to give up but I know myself and I just can’t.