Dear Mr. Too Hot to Handle,

Hey.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, because the chance of you reading this is like 0.000001%. Maybe it’s just one of those times when everything feels a little louder in my head and somehow, you wandered back in. Anyway, here it is…

First of all, I’m sorry. For disappearing. Life’s been a whirlwind lately, and my job’s been draining more out of me than I expected. But beyond that… you probably remember—I told you I have this habit of being nonchalant, because that’s how I protect myself. And maybe in doing that, I left you hanging. If I made you feel like you didn’t matter…I really am sorry.

Because the truth is… you did.

Just so you know, I actually made time for you when we chatted. It messed with my workflow more than once (that’s why I get mad at you for sleeping on me)—but honestly, you were worth the disruption. You were a really good conversationalist, even though your blow-by-blow messages and CR chronicles did kinda annoy me sometimes. 😂

You were one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met on this platform. Sure, you had your sad boi moments (lol), and yeah, you were a walking red flag (by my standards) for giving me boyfriend vibes early on (yeah it’s a red flag since because you’re making me feel things that confuses me😅)—but underneath all that, you were real. Sensitive. Open. And unapologetically you. I just wasn’t used to that… so I’m sorry if I was cold to you, okay??

Oh wait—okieeeee (happy now?)

Also, skl… sometimes I still hear your voice in my head. Ugh. Damn you. 😤 Hahaha. I wasn’t lying when I said I dreamt about it. And now, every time the song “Mabagal” plays, I find myself thinking your version was better. No kidding. Your voice was just so soothing, and warm, and it felt like a “hubby rendition” for some reason. Hahaha. Alam mo yung hubby rendition?? That’s the version of a song sung by a husband. And God, you’re not even my husband—but listening to you made me feel like I had one. Ganun ka-pogi boses mo. 😆

And your habit of remembering the tiniest details? It stuck with me. Kase ganun din ako. And honestly, the more I got to know you, the more scared I became… of catching feelings.

I also remember you opening up about your past relationships. I listened and smiled, but a part of me felt a little sad. You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. You deserved someone who really saw you. But all I could do was listen—because deep down, I knew I probably couldn’t be that person for you.

Even though… I thought you were really cute haha…(And for the record, when I said you had a look that gay guys like—that was NOT me calling you ugly, okay?! 😭) You’re tall, handsome in a meztizo way, and yeah… you’ve got that “daddy build” going on. Hahaha. And me? I look like an asian kid who got lost on the way to daycare. I’ve always felt like someone tall and curvy would suit you better. Shallow, I know. But that’s how I felt. 😆

I’ll admit something—I kind of hate that you still linger in my thoughts. Like when I feel the heat creeping in, I remember how we joked that your hotness was the reason March and April were excruciating, and that my coldness was why your office felt like a freezer. That whole “blame-the-temp-on-each-other” bit? I adored it.

And again I’m sorry if you thought I was cold. I’m just… guarded. Always have been. I don’t really know how to be in something, apart from personal friendships, so I hold back on the mushy stuff and try not to get attached—because deep down, I always assume things won’t last.

And I guess I was right.

But I don’t blame anyone. Not you, not me. Our timing and personalities just didn’t sync. You’re the type to strike while the iron is hot, while I’m the type to simmers slowly. And that’s okay. C’est la vie.

Anyway, I hope you’re studying hard right now. Just know that I’m still rooting for you. I hope you finally pass the bar and get to be called Attorney. You’ve got what it takes. I believe in you.

You were the most decent person I met here. Maybe even the sweetest. And definitely the cutest with the most soothing voice—if I’m being brave and honest for once.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re okay. And if you ever feel a sudden chill, maybe that’s just me… quietly reminding you to turn the temp down again.

Sincerely,

Ice Queen