My mind is calling me a hypocrite

I have many doubts about Christianity, I’m asking God to guide me, since I really don’t know if I Can trust Christianity or if I should trust Islam. But the thing is, it’s not that simple, it’s more of a situation where I am doubting Christianity and feeling myself get pulled closer to islam (out of anxiety, and by arguments that say it’s true, not by feeling it in my heart), and I ask God to help me so I don’t fall into the religion, but still asking for him to guide me in case Islam does turn out to be true. When I hear a Muslim make an argument against Christianity, I always rush over to find an answer to it by the Christians. But I actively seek refutations to Islam, I never go to the Muslims to refute that claim. I am asking God to guide me to Islam if it’s true or Christianity if it’s true, so why am I so scared when I hear a Muslim make an argument? I feel like a hypocrite since I have never gone to the Muslims to ask them to refute something but I always go to the Christian’s and ex Muslims to refute arguments I have about Islam. I’m here again asking Christian’s to help me, I already know if I ask the Muslims they will tell me this is God’s way of guiding me and that feels biased but so is this, and I don’t know what to do about it.