Missing you hurts

I miss you soo much right now. I don’t even know why. I’ve been missing you way more than I thought I would. I hate this. Everyday I go on throughout the day trying to convince myself I’ve missed you less today, but truth is I’m just suppressing it. I held back from saying sooo much. And my mind just keeps thinking what if I had told you everything I thought and felt. Would the result been different? We both know we needed the distance from each other, but did it have to be forever? It’s been 3 weeks. 3 long ass weeks. I never thought I’d miss you this much. This is what I’ve been trying to protect myself from all along. And you know what’s crazy? Today would’ve marked 3 months of us knowing each other. I miss you. Please. At least one more conversation. I wanna apologize for all the times I’ve hurt you. All the times I’ve taken you for granted. All the times my mind ignored that you’re a person behind the screen. You told me you’ll always be there, and I always tried to push you away, but I began to find comfort. You said you didn’t want to leave me, but you did. The thing is i don’t blame u. At least you tried to do a decent attempt at a good bye, a better one than I could ever give. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t ready. But I knew it was the right choice. And I still think so. But it’s just hard. It’s been really hard. Not to cry thinking about it. Not to miss you so much. Not to want one more conversation. One more clarity. Anything. I know I’ll have to let you go. And eventually I will. But when? May Allah speed up the process. Ameen.