Hope you feel better soon.

My wife of 15 years wanted to open up to explore D/s a year and a half ago, which I agreed to. Since then it has been a very rocky adventure for me. I’ve lost my sense of self-worth and my sense of masculinity.

Dating as a married cis man has been rough, and reflecting on it today, I have realized that everyone I have dated in this time frame had dysfunctional relationships within their marriages or how they approach dating. She has had an amazing experience with her single partner and it seems like her partner has been mostly shielded from or isn’t affected by the issues this is causing in our marriage. How common is this?

I dragged us into therapy a year ago, and all though communication had improved, I generally drive the topics we discuss in therapy.

There are a lot of details I could dive into, but I feel they are irrelevant. The reason I am posting is that I recently asked that my wife be home by 9 so that we can reconnect (she mostly leaves at 9am and is home 10p-1a). This was a very long time in the coming to find a voice and ask for my needs to be met in some way.

Alongside these struggles is alcohol, which has made things worse. I use to drink for fun and now it is becoming more a coping mechanism. I disclose this to provide a fuller picture. Again, just a snapshot.

We have had discussions on that topic and where it comes from.

This evening while she was out with her Dom I texted her “Feel like I am not in a great place, might be in bed before 9. Don’t want to be in a position where that can be held against me if you are home at 9 and I am asleep. Do what you want with that.”

Her response “Got it. Hope you feel better soon”

how do you read that?