How to truly be happy in life without out a partner?

I post this at the end of the day where I finally told the person I've loved for the past 4 years to go no contact with me. So this is kind of just me venting to feel better. Sorry if I ramble. We were never committed exclusively to each other, and we've had ups and downs but I always held out hope that one day we would finally be together for real.

I've tried to find a boyfriend before him and especially during the past 4 years, but the people I find myself falling for, never have reciprocal feelings. The ones that like me enough to take it to the next level, I find I have to force myself to like. The connection is not there.

I'm 34, I've never had a boyfriend and I genuinely don't believe I ever will. The only mutual love I've experienced in the past 34 years is from the guy that I just cut it off with. He has always refused to commit to me exclusively. I find myself with less prospects these days and I find it very difficult to connect with people on an intimate emotional level.

My problem is that I seem to desperately crave the intimacy and companionship that comes from a romantic relationship. For over a decade now I've been scrolling through dating apps almost daily trying to find my person. Hours a day sometimes. It occupies so much of my mental energy.

Have any of you just given up on the concept of a loving relationship with a partner, but still manage to feel happy and fulfilled in life? It sucks being sad about this while trying to put up a front to the the world like it doesn't affect me. Is there a different perspective I should be looking from? I'm not giving up my search for love, but I want to know how to keep my spirits up as I inevitably fail at every attempt to find it.

I can elaborate further, or answer any questions you'd like. Some of my flaws and issues have led me to this situation so I accept full responsibility for my current emotional state. I just want to do better moving forward