Ever since he said what he said, I can't see my brother the same way ever again

So I, (22F) have two younger brothers. One is 18 & the other is 21. Well my brother, CJ (21M) has been really mean as of late. He made fun of a painting my mom (44F) did for my dad for father's day. She was so upset, she nearly threw it away. He purposely watches shows she & I like & makes fun of them to annoy us. Lately he's been having an attitude & my mom & I (mostly our mom) are his targets.

He got annoyed once when we informed him saying we are watching the CW's 90210 show & he goes, "Of course you are." & rolls his eyes as he leaves.

Well the other day, I got annoyed with the family boxer & I vented by saying how much I'd wish he'd disappear. It was a harmless joke that was about the dog. But CJ goes, "Well your existence annoys me but you never hear me complain about it." My mom defends me right away while I sat there hurt & speechless.

Ever since then, I haven't been able to see him the same way. Sure, we fight a lot & I have been mean in the past. But I never have ever told him what he told me. It really hurt because he is my brother. But zi'm also disabled. I have cerebal palsy. My right side doesn't work as well as my left. I am one handed. In public, I get insecure because people go up to me asking questions, pitying me or both and at home I feel 100% comfortable with myself.... or at least I used to.

Just today a book I pre ordered 2 months ago came in today. I couldn't afford it & asked him if I could order it with his card. I insist to pay him back when I'm able & he says dont bother. Its fine. After insisting for 5 to 10 mins, I finally caved in & said, "Fine. Since its coming in June, I'll consider it a birthday present since August is my birth month." & he agrees to it.

Today, he asks me to pay him back since he got me the book with his card. He said he needed money, I, get confused. HE insisted to not worry about it but I just nodded my head & said, "Ok." I add since I'm having problems with my disability check, I'll pay him as soon as I handle it. He says cool.

A few hours later I hear CJ complain about the 20 bucks I owed him. This is a few days since the comment he made.

Our mom say to CJ, "remember last year she lended 300 dollars so you can pay your truck payment? You still haven't paid her back so don't fuss over 20 dollars."

I didn't say anything but I was grateful because he made it out to be like I fought him on it & she shut it down quickly.

But I'm still upset over him saying he wished I never existed. I can't help but feel angry. I don't want to look at him. I still thanked him for the book. But I don't see him as a brother. I should feel safe & seen in my house & now I don't. At least when it comes to CJ.

The rest of the family has been assuring me that I am loved & I am wanted. But I just don't believe it. CJ really hurt me & I know I should not let him get to me. But it shocked me.