I think im a little bit cuck for that

Imagine the situation I lived with the one who is now my wife, then my girlfriend, although that was years ago, I still remember it. She was my first girlfriend and also my first time, me too for her, but one day we broke up for one thing or another, during that time when we weren't together she had a boyfriend, a coworker, the fact is that she was with him for several months and then they broke up. So far so good, but once he left her, she came back to me, being a cuck I forgave her and we were happy, but I couldn't get it out of my head, one day talking to her, she told me how they fucked. It must be said that up until that moment she wasn't in BC, and we always did it with a condom, but I found out talking to her ex, that he came several times inside her, he filled her and she wasn't in BC. When we got back together, she wasn't on the pill yet and forced me to wear a condom. When I found out how she did it with her ex, she kept forcing me to wear one until we moved to BC. She loves me and shows it, but that fact left me traumatized. Years later, I also realized that I would love to be a cuckold, but I think, will she be a hotwife who prefers big cocks and alpha men? I wish she would want to be one.