Hindi na ako sure if kaya ko pa

Problem/goal:

Hello, everyone! It is my first post in the entire Reddit platform and I just want some advice.

22M, currently living here in Negros.

I was born to a single mom but she didn't raise me off. My grandparents did. My lolo was used to be a security guard and my lola was a teacher. Walang trabaho yung mom ko since she was spoiled growing up to the point na hindi nya na alam kung pano mag hanap ng trabaho and a drug addict, too.

But problems started to show up when my grandparents died. Naging walang wala kami up to the point binenta na yung bahay para makasurvive na lang.

After 3 months of my 18th birthday and finishing SHS, I decided to look for a job. I landed a job at a call center, spent a year working, move to different company and so on.

Now, I am 22. I work for a different BPO company for almost 3 months now paying 20,000 pesos per month. I already have a kid turning 2 years old this August and a domestic partner relying on me. My domestic partner doesn't have a job and I carry everything.

Nakikitira lang kami sa parents niya and sometimes nag aaway pa kesyo ganito raw, dapat ganyan. Ang hirap mag budget kasi parang obligado ka pang bigyan sila ng ulam o bigas pag wala silang makain kasi kahit nakabudget na kayu so disrupted talaga yung plano mo.

I am working on a graveyard shift from 9 PM to 6 PM and sometimes, yung mga oras na dapat tulog na ako, hinahanap ko pa ng pera kasi walang mag po-provide samin. Walang wala rin si mama, di kami in good terms ng mga relatives ko and I am about to lose my job because of my absences kasi exhausted talaga.

Naging homeless from December 25, 2024 up to January this year kasi di na rin kami in good terms ni partner. Pinipilit ng lang kasi may anak na and I am trying to get my life back on track pero lately, I've been feeling like a failure, exhausted, and burden sa buhay. Kahit bagong t-shirt na worth 50 pesos sa ukay-ukay di ko na mabili and mind you, hindi po ako impulsive buyer or ano. However, malakas ako manigarilyo kasi sobrang stress talaga.

I am typing this post right now on a computer shop because I do not have a phone. My partner doesn't have, too. Kami yung literal na walang wala sa buhay kasi basic necessities nalang, pahirapan pa. Wala ring savings after 3 years of working.

Kakayanin ko pa ba? Di ko na alam pano ko sisimulan.