I am suffering through postpartum anxiety alone and I feel like a terrible mother

Somehow I feel like ranting here to Reddit strangers will help. I do have my first therapy appointment set up for Wednesday. But right now, I’m sitting in my baby’s room in the dark, cuddling her as she sleeps, and sobbing like I do very often.

I’ve never felt so alone and miserable in my entire life, yet all the same so in love with this tiny human. I’m so terrified of anything happening to her that I just sob and cry at all of these intrusive thoughts and stupid things that I spiral out of control on

My husband doesn’t understand. He is so beyond frustrated with me for always crying and being sad. He lacks empathy and is really selfish, and he doesn’t want to be “inconvenienced” by my feelings and tears. So I just hide alone and cry alone.

I have no family nearby. I have no friends since we just moved to a different state. I have no help with the baby. No break. My husband doesn’t help. All I do is dishes and clean. We only have 1 car so I can’t just go get out of the house

I just want to feel better. To thoroughly enjoy this beautiful time in my baby’s life. But somehow I can’t. She sees me cry so much and I feel like a terrible mother

I just hope therapy can help. I hope time helps. I hope I’ll feel better soon. I hope I can break the cycle for this beautiful baby girl