Need help getting over a 2 year situationship

Staring out I really don’t want hear anything about how dumb I was sticking through this and doing this to myself for so long, he was my only friend (I live in a small town where bars/casinos are where you make friends in most cases and I have extreme social anxiety and don’t really drink.) And maybe I’m just coming here to get some validation or some strangers on the internet telling me I could do better, it is what it is, but I already know how stupid I am for doing this to myself. Here goes nothing, me 24F and this guy 26M, we’ll call him Chad to keep things anonymous, have been seeing each other since December of 2022. I had been out of a relationship for about 4 months by then, one I was more than ready to be out of before it was even over, and felt better than I had in years. Chad and I knew each other before as when I started my first job he worked there as well, we had mutual friends and so on (small town people know.) But he never really paid any interest to me until he saw me at work long after he hadn’t been working there, reached out to me and we started talking. In the beginning we were just talking, after a few times hanging out and me finally deciding to sleep with him as he is mad attractive, tall and muscular. A literal complete 180 from the last guy I was with. After doing the deed he told me he wasn’t in the place for a relationship and doesn’t know if he will be sooner than later and I honestly felt the same way having just got out of a traumatic relationship. Months go by of us hanging out every week or so, talking every day, me sneaking into the back of his house so I could avoid meeting his parents officially, the works. A lot of things happen in between then and now, we never went a day without talking to each other all day, there were nights I’d stay at his place, I did meet his parents eventually. This whole time I’m fighting my emotions. Many days I would cancel plans with him due to my own mental issues getting in the way (I deal with adhd, depression and anxiety diagnosis, I’m so tired everyday, him with mostly anxiety and some depression) I know he’s not emotionally available, and maybe if it was just hookups and no talking in between I would’ve handled it better, I just knew I cared deeply about him. It had gotten to the point where he would call me when he needed a ride from the bar, I couldn’t deal with him when he was drunk so I’d force him let me take him home (he’s been actively battling alcoholism and his parents rightfully chew his ass out if he’s drinking too much so he never wanted to go home.) But I guess what I’m trying to say is he was always trying to hang out way more than I was willing to, he put up his own walls in specific ways and my way was to distance myself even though we still talked everyday. A little over a month ago something changed, he didn’t really reply to me all weekend after telling me he needed to talk to me and I over thought things before he ever even attempted to talk to me. This was extremely different from all the other days we’d talk, he’s never not replied for 6+ hours and I freaked out and told him I really don’t have time to be waiting around for something that isn’t even that serious basically, I don’t even think I have the message I sent that night. Eventually I did get a crappy explanation for what was going on, but he just wanted space to work out things. But this last month has been bad, my mental health has quickly declined with the realization he was my only friend and I don’t know how to make more. I’ve heard of him buying cases of beer. I’m overly worried every day. I seriously can’t stop thinking about him. He’s been the only person I want to talk to when things go wrong this past month, every day I feel so lost and most people I’m trying to befriend I’m just not vibing with, I don’t mean that in a bad way but I’m not available every day and I can’t do a friend that’s up my a** ya know? But I’ve completely switched, he now knows how crazy I am. I don’t have any hope that things will change. But I really need advice in getting over this. I’m working into getting into therapy for the rapid decline in my mental health but this heart break hurts worse than I’ve ever experienced. The last few months of us hanging out his parents have been making me come through the front to talk to me and get to know me more, this man has scraped my windshield in 10 degree weather after staying at his house. My heart hurts so bad, I want to go no contact but part of me doesn’t want to do that to myself or not be there for him when he needs. But Reddit, please give some respectful advice.