I want to be normal

I'm in a really weird, awful point in my life right now. Financially, I'm somewhat more secure than I was for the past couple of months (found a new job at Amazon– not excited about it at all but it's only temporary bc I'm moving to a city with better job prospects in a few months) but despite that being the main thing I was super worried about over the past couple of weeks, I don't feel as relieved as I thought i would be. I guess I'm just really used to shit going wrong?

The second most thing I'm upset about is just.. everything about my social life. I feel like the odd one out in my friend group because every single one of them is either currently in a relationship or has been in one before, and here I am with neither (at the embarrassing age of 22). A friend I went on a date with a little over a year ago (it didn't amount to anything– we pretty much mutually agreed we weren't compatible) is now dating another friend of mine and I just feel awkward because... I don't even really know why. But it's made me feel even more like some alien and I've been withdrawing from my friends more.

Thanks to therapy, I'm now aware of a litany of problems I have with trust/forming attachments in general, but knowing what the problem is doesn't really do much to solve it, especially when I haven't had regular therapy sessions since March (my old therapist I got along really well with didn't mesh well with my old job's schedule, so I had to find someone else. And then there was the financial aspect of me barely being able to afford sessions until now).

I know no one's going to read or even care about this because I pretty much don't exist, but I just felt like venting. I've felt like a disgusting weird alien that doesn't fit in with normal people for a really long time, and I'm honestly thinking this is just how my life is going to be. Financial stress and being the satellite friend of every group I'm in. What even is the point anymore