It's the same thing

I'm tired, and I do wanna get better some day. But I don't think I am. I feel like I have no one to rely on, no one to cry on a shoulder and it's been the same. I just wanna be comfortable with my body. I wanna live normally, I wanna eat normal I wanna see normal I wanna cope normally. I don't wanna live anymore, I haven't for a few years now, sure I've tried to already but nothing with these stupid sleeping pills works. And if I fail again, then I'll have to live knowing how everyone views me. I don't want that. I don't want to see them cry over something stupid. I do have some things to live for but I'm getting so tired of it. I'm genuinely so lonely and it's driving me insane. I can't vent to anyone but the Internet. I don't have people. I don't have the money or time. I just wanna end it already. For one last time, I just wanna sleep long enough to avoid what makes me human. I hate having to live, I hate being human. I wanna die.