I need to share my pros/cons list of transitioning somewhere.

I started T 3 days ago but I am still agonizing over the decision. Admittedly, it was a bit impulsive, after many years of struggling off and on with gender dysphoria.

I want to share my list because even though everything seems to point to keeping going, I just don't know. Therapists have told me that I'm not trans, but the feelings just keep coming back, over and over again for the last 15 years. It doesn't matter how much I try to put those feelings away, they always come back.

Reasons to transition

• I hate my genitalia. When it comes to sexual encounters I feel like I am missing the right parts, and when I am doing things on my own I imagine myself having a penis.
• I hate having periods because it reminds me of the fact that I am AFAB.
• I don’t want to live the rest of my life without a penis (even if it’s a micro penis or not exactly what I want).
• If I removed all of the social issues, explaining to others, etc and I could snap my fingers and be a man, I would do it in a heartbeat.
• I hate being referred to with female honorifics (don’t mind pronouns so much as I ignore them/am used to them).
• I was very neutral regarding my chest, but now with a proper bra I am extremely uncomfortable as it looks too big. Also if my chest disappeared tomorrow and I woke up with a flat chest I’d be fine with it.

Reasons not to transition

• Afraid that I won’t like myself with a beard.
• I like the way my face looks.
• I like my long hair.
• Fear of not being accepted, fear of having to explain everything again.
• I am proud to be AFAB too.
• I don’t always hate the way I look. I have a lot of self love.
• I can survive as a female if I need to.
• Society and the world right now is not a great place to be trans.
• I like my partner calling me baby, but I feel like that’s a pet name that only a girl can have.
• I really have embraced that I am a woman because that’s the body that I was given and I felt unable to change.
• Maybe I’m just unhappy because I’m fat.
• Identify as androgynous (male-leaning).

Thanks for listening~