For the love of Jesus-A Sunflower's (Not-So-Joyous) Tale of Discernment to Religious Life 🌻 (Part 1)

I'm trying to stay anonymous for as long as possible, but through prayer and much thought, I truly believe God is nudging me to share my discernment journey. And let me tell you, it's been anything but smooth or joyful.

This has been incredibly disappointing. I've read countless vocation stories, watched inspiring videos, and heard about communities gathering to celebrate and encourage those discerning. My experience? It's been the complete opposite.

Before converting to Catholicism, I had a vibrant social life. I was involved at my university, worked as a plus-sized model, competed in pageants, and even appeared on radio podcasts and television. I've traveled the world, had a wide circle of friends, and my home was the goto spot – a place of comfort for everyone.

Then, I decided to dedicate my life to Christ and convert. And just like that, those friends and the community I was part of abandoned me. Quickly, too, lol.

They claimed religious individuals are judgmental and closed-minded. They condemned me, deemed me "better than" and "superior to" without me even uttering a word. It was truly odd to witness how my desire for a relationship with Christ caused such emotional harm to those around me. My friends and family were deeply wounded by my decision, and strangely, they mourned the "loss" of me.

I went from being incredibly active to having virtually no social life at all, mostly confined to church, home, and work. Everyone around me fled. I was no longer "fun." I was still me, just more mindful of what I indulged in or said. I never pushed my beliefs on anyone or brought them up in discussions, but it always seemed to come up. An argument would ensue, and somehow, it was always my fault.

Now, I know this isn't true for all converts, but it has been my reality. I haven't found community or Christian kindness in the parishes in my area either. I've tried, joining and leaving parishes for a multitude of reasons – but that's a story for another day.

If you're willing to stick around and follow my discernment journey, I'll be sharing my story from two years ago up to now. I'll also delve into how, even amidst such hardship, I still see Christ calling me, what these difficulties mean, and how they are necessary in shaping the person God wants me to be.

Let me tell you how I'm turning my lemons into lemonade. As James 1:2-4 wisely states: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."