I’m so lonely.

I’ve been lonely for years and years now. Since middle school at least (currently 21). I tried talking to my family about it when I was younger, but the only advice that they give me is “you have to be a friend to have a friend”. I get it, I get it. It’s probably my own fault that I feel/live this way. I’m too picky about who I hang out with, or something. Too moody and weird and unattractive. I’ve come to enjoy my own company too much. I’m too arrogant. Anyways, sometimes I feel so alone that it actually hurts physically. I felt forgotten, so I acted out in the past so people would notice me, and it backfired horribly, of course. I’ve given up for the most part, and these days, I’ve decided to just focus on my work and hobbies. I feel so bad about myself as a person. I wish I was able to make friends and act right. I know that I have a lot to be grateful for that others don’t have, but if I’m so lucky, why can’t I do anything right or make any friends? Maybe i deserve to be lonely, friendship should go to people who are better than me and actually need/deserve to have friends. It just hurts to be alone and forgotten sometimes. I feel like the world hates me for reasons that I don’t understand.