Help

hey im 21 m live in Saudi Arabia im a university student (electrical engineer) i think I have depression i have been through a lot these times I feel so heavy. I’ve tried to commit it before but nobody know I’m losing my memories. I want to go to therapy but I’m scared if I did that I won’t have a job in the future so I’m in a situation that either I get on my steps on my own without therapy so that I don’t ruin my future or i just off my self bc either way i know ill do it if i cant get job . Help .