I'm in a loveless marriage but I met the girl of my dreams

I, 32M am married to my wife 31F for 8 years and for the first year or two things were fine but over time, I realised that she was not involved with me in terms of discussing issues or showing affection.

If we had an argument, I would do all of the talking and she would keep quiet. She may sometimes agree or whatever but the thing that caused the argument would not change. It would keep happening and she just was unwilling to change.

A small example, she's a vegetarian and I'm not. If we want to order food, id ask her to choose since its easier for me to find something to eat at a restaurant that has vegetarian options than the other way around. She agreed to this system but when I ask her to choose, she’s say “where do YOU want to buy from?” then I'd try to explain all over again why that won't work or just pick and she’d end up with something she doesn't enjoy. This habit of hers has never stopped.

When I had health problems and I needed her the most, she wasn't there for me. I once had almost two years worth of seizures due to being prescribed the wrong medication and she refused to drive me around. We got into an accident when I had a seizure while driving, with her in the car. We were both fine but she still refused to drive even though she is more than capable of doing it.

There are much more examples but i won't add those now.

Besides that, except for the first year or so, the sex dried up and she shows almost no affection towards me. I will send her messages every morning to tell her I love her and she has never responded once.

I also try to give her a hug every morning before we leave for work and she doesn't respond in kind.

I have ADHD and this type of behavior is very difficult for me to deal with in terms of not understanding or caring about what I'm experiencing or getting me into situations where I have to make choices that she knows I struggle with. She also doesn't engage with me when i try to talk about my ADHD issues. She sees me struggling with certain things and even when I explain to her that she can actually help me by being more supportive, she just doesn't respond to me and thereafter does nothing to help.

About a year ago, I met someone at work 29F (i’ll refer to her as Amy) and we immediately hit it off and became friends. I helped her with work and her studies and she was supportive with motivating me when i felt stuck. She also has ADHD and we worked well together and as friends, pushed each other forward and were there for each other in a way that I've never experienced before.

A couple of weeks ago, my wife got sick and while I was sitting alone in the hospital waiting for the doctors to tell me if the operation was successful or not, Amy came to comfort me. We spoke at length and went for supper. After that, she told me about her childhood trauma and i spoke about some of mine.

Since then, we spent a lot of time talking on voice chat as well as the odd time when we met for lunch or breakfast.

Two days ago, I asked her if I could send her a music playlist that I thought would help her relax when she's studying. She agreed and the next day, when we met for breakfast, she essentially asked me if I was trying to send her a message with my music choices. I explained to her that it had no hidden meaning and it was just music that I shared with her. Eventually, after a lot of talking and both of us playing hide and seek with our words, we finally admitted that we have feelings for each other.

We spoke a little about it and she left. That afternoon I was torn between the idea that i had finally met the person I'd been searching for my whole life and now I won't be able to do anything about it besides be friends. I don't want to destroy my marriage, for what it's worth but at the same time, I don't want to lose Amy.

Right now, I want to be with Amy as more than friends. That's what she wants as well but we both agreed that it can not happen since I'm married and she says that she will not be the cause of me and my wife having further issues.

Where do I go from here?

TL;DR

I'm in a loveless marriage but I met the girl of my dreams. Nothing happened beyond friendship with this girl but I don't know what to do from here.