I recently got diagnosed with ADHD during one of the most stressful times of my life, and I keep going downhill

I just posted this on the ADHD subreddit so I don’t know if I can post this here

This is just a vent and I know a lot will seem like teen melodrama or that l've lost it. This is just me just going on and getting this off my chest for myself at least

I (F17) just got diagnosed with "severe combined ADHD" (psychiatrist's words) and generalised anxiety disorder

I went to get tested before. Right off the bat she mostly accused me of faking it, saying that coming out of lockdown a lot of people my age were faking it, and that if I truely had issues my parents would've brought me in earlier, or my teachers would've written it in my report card (they actually strongly advised me to get diagnosed). I found out later from my mum recently that the other doctor was just "testing" me to make sure l wasn't faking it. So I never wanted to get tested again

So after struggling so hard in high school, my mum took me back to a different doctor to see if I could get some help, but the only time they could get me in was in year 12 (senior year)

This year I was diagnosed and the psychiatrist I see for the medication kept giving me different types with the same effect. All would work at first pretty well, I felt like for the first time I could do my schoolwork with ease, but then I would get crippling side effects when it wore off, and they would wear off faster. For my earliest ones, I would spend class with such debilitating headaches and brain fog that I couldn't function properly. I spent my exam block trying so hard to do it but then the medication would start wearing off and the side effects would kick in, and I could do nothing

In year 12, your exams go towards your final exam. 50% of your graduating mark is from school exams, and then 50% from an exam covering the year's work. With the side effects, I haven't been able to think or work, and I'm now behind terms worth of work that I can't remember

I'm now on Vyvanse, and this has been by far the lowest l've felt so far. I was on 50mg at first, but that gave me severe side effects in the morning where I was an actual zombie, but in the afternoon I could function perfectly. Then weeks later the severe crashes began to happen, and they were horrific. I'm now on 2 25mg doses a day (he said split the capsule) but he's gonna put me on 3 20mg

The crashes are tearing me apart. I can't control my emotions at all. It's like l'm a host in my own body every single night when I wear off. I have huge breakdowns, just sobbing and begging for this all to end, or I have fits of extreme anger where I scream all night and toss everything, and l've put holes in my wall. My mum is scared. Every little thing sets me off once I hit the crash. Off the medication, I get severely depressed, I can't do anything, and knowing that something could help me function but it isn't working makes me even more depressed

The psychiatrist gave me 4mg of Valium to help when the crash happens, and otherwise told me to take it as needed, but it doesn't help. I crash before I realise to take it, and taking it during the crash doesn't help. I don't know if this is just from the stress of exams/life or the medication, but the exams are only going to get worse and I can't function like this

Last Friday he told me there's essentially there's nothing more he can do, I can either grin and bare it, go cold turkey, or go to hospital for whatever they'll do there

I feel utterly helpless