I just got cheated by the person I thought to be the love of my life and I don't know how to move on from this

I just got cheated yesterday by my 7 years partner who was just, the night before cheating, telling me how much he loves me and wants me, and that he misses me (he's on a work trip), how he dreams of me, blah blah blah. We were just about to sign a mortgage to buy a house together. While he was telling me this and how much he loved me, he was putting away some condoms to go out that night with his work friend.

That night I was putting clothes away and realizedthst the box of condoms we had just bought was open and missing 4 condoms. We hadn't even used them that week (use them only during ovulation week). He took them away with him for the trip, so I knew he was planning to do it. For the record, I have noticed these things before, but I normally play dumb, and force myself not to think of it or pretend I must be wrong or confused. I always play stupid, such an idiot...

The morning after (sat morning) I couldn't hold it and opened his laptop, and he had forgotten his WhatsApp open. I know this is not ok, but I do not regret doing it. I found it. He and his friend brought two girls back to their place, and he fucked one of the girls. Oh, and apparently, he fucked her hard.

When he called me, at 4 pm, saying he had just woken up (I had seen his messages from 2 hours ago, he hadn't just woken up), I asked him how did it go, and maybe he'd confess (I thought) he told me a bulshit story of walking around at night with his friend, then getting back home for beers the two of them alone and then sleep. I gave him another opportunity and asked "the two of you alone went back home for beers?" And he said "yes, just the two of us".

I asked him to put the camera on to tell him that I knew he had just cheated on me. When I told him I knew what he had done, he first said "what? How?" And played the denial card, but I told him "I saw your WhatsApp". He said he couldn't even fuck the girl, his dick didn't go hard because of the guilt, bulshit bulshit, because in one of the WhatsApp messages, his friend from the other room joked of how loud they were.

He of course denies it all, he says his friend was joking but nothing actually happened, he said "the girl even told me it was the first time a man does this and says this they feel guilty" BULSHIT. He wanted to catch a flight right away and be back home yesterday. I told him no, I have a HUGE DAY at work today, I didn't want to see him and spend the night crying.

I took a clonazepam so I could sleep tonight, and he will arrive here early morning.

WHY??? I can't believe this is happening, I don't know what to do. I just feel I've been betrayed for seven years, thinking I am with someone it that person doesn't exist. He's been lying to my face for how long.

WORST PART? We started our relationship agreeing that if at a point one of us wanted to explore sexuality or whatever, it was going to be discussed and enabled, but we had to know and agree and be ready. I've had my doubts that he's been doing it, so I've asked him many times how he feels about it, and he always says "no no, I just want to be with you", but he was clearly lying. He is just like any other man. He wants to fuck other people and come home to an exclusive vagina just for him.

I am venting and maybe I am also asking for advice...I am heartbroken, I am embarrassed, I feel stupid, I feel lost, completely lost. I thought, I really thought, we had a good thing going on. I thought we'd grow old together. I am divorced and he had given me hope that a relationship was possible, but now I just feel men are all crap and I won't be ever be able to trust a tone again. Help