I (27F) want to help my spouse (27NB), but they won't talk to me

Sorry for the format, but I'm on mobile. So.. lately my spouse has been getting more and more irritable and snappy. We need to get a new mattress, but haven't been able to due to finances, and life overall has been stressful.. and as of late they have been taking it out on not just me, but our roommates as well. It feels like they've become an entirely different person. They won't open up about their own issues, but they encourage me and our roommates to open up to them, and it's a struggle to get them to stop bottling their emotions.

I feel like I'm going insane, because all of this has caused so many fights and so much anger in my household, but they get angry and defensive when I try to talk to them about it. At this point I dont know what to do, and it's making me and my roommates feel helpless...I just want the person I married back..but they feel so far gone. They dont want to cuddle anymore, won't even ask, and they get angry and take over tasks when they aren't done withing what they feel to be their time frame (I have ADHD, have been diagnosed since I was a kid, so doing things in a timely manner is hard for me). They have autism, so I'm trying to be patient, but it feels like there's more to it then that... what can I do to help them?