Why doesn't the abuse feel real

I'm sorry I just struggle to accept its abuse. Last week it got so bad with attempts of violence, yelling, insults, saying she doesn't want to see me or hear my voice and that I'm not allowed to leave my room without permission. I tried to hurt myself because of her. And I did. Now she's flipped a switch. Left a note on the floor outside my room saying she loves me, she;s trying to buy me stuff, take me places, yesterday she sent me a message saying she loves me. I'm creeped out. I don't know whats real or not anymore like maybe its my fault and I did actually overreact??