Doing it scared and radical acceptance

For the greater part of the last month, I have been feeling like I’ve been in a constant state of fight or flight. I was hyperfixating on every body sensation from the time I woke up to the time I exhausted myself enough to fall asleep. I was constantly ruminating over getting sick and what would happen if I did and trying to predict the future. Or, worse, skipping meals and trying to eliminate the possibility of vomiting altogether (please please please do not do this). I was NOT eating 3 meals a day or getting nearly enough calories to sustain my body. I was NOT drinking enough water (at all), and I was not getting enough sleep. I was getting to a point where the slightest body sensation would send me into a spiral that lasted all day and usually the whole night. I was not my normal self. All of this, coupled with my anxiety, was a horrendous combo that was completely throwing off my nervous system and causing me to be in a heightened state of anxiety for what felt like 24/7. My last straw was a panic attack that was inducing horrendous nausea to the point that I was on the bathroom floor terrified I’d vomit. (Spoiler: I didn’t.) I decided that was my last straw.

This was when I decided to “do it scared” which is an anecdote I’ve seen a few times in this sub. I started small - by eating a bit more, by actually having a real dinner with some protein, by drinking more water. And if I felt a little “off” during any of these moments, I told myself that I am safe in my body and I am doing it scared. If I feel nauseous, ok then. I’m doing it, even if it’s going to be scary. If something feels “weird”, ok, then I’m going to accept it and maybe feel scared. Basically a huge FU to this phobia.

And suddenly, the “nausea” at night has slowly gone away. My headaches have become fewer. I’m able to relax for more than 5 minutes at a time. I even took up crocheting, which has been super relaxing! My body feels normal again. I’m slowly realizing through SO much trial and error and setbacks and ups and downs that the key to all of this is simply acceptance. I’m sure we all know that here but it’s another thing to finally come to terms with it and own it and make actionable change.

So, if you’re anything like me and maybe had some setbacks this year, or are coping with a relapse, or it feels like you can’t come out of this (see my post history), know that you are not alone. Getting OUT of this cycle is what is really, really hard, but know that it’s possible to. Start small. Feed your body and nurture yourself. Our minds are super powerful, and I’ve found that 99% of the time when I “think” I feel “off”, it’s really just my brain going in overdrive.

TL;DR radical acceptance and doing it scared are great ways to start changing your mindset and habits.