I dont feel normal. I want out…

I know depression is common but i cannot shake it off. Im trying so hard but people arent there for me. My parents dont care that i am depressed, i have no friends, i am doomed. Im thinking of a girl i used to like from 9 years ago, we saw each other for 2 months and I never recuperated. I have no access to therapy and its a struggle to do things. I dont have a job, i live with my parents, i live with anxiety, and i know theres happy windows in my life but all i want is to end it all. Ive tried it in the past. I still have access to something that will kill me in minutes but i have siblings I care about. I just need to vent… i need to vent about a lot of things, im not crying or anything, but i want someone to listen… preferably over the phone.