I stole my grandparents' truck and stole my uncle's credit card and ran away from home because I didn't want to see my mom on hospice.

This is such a hard post for me (17f) to make, but I just need advice.

My mom (45f) is the worst person on the planet. She sexual abused me from 8 months old to 3 years old. She went to prison, got out about three years ago, and that was really hard for me because I was terrified someone else might have to go through what I did.

Now she's on hospice because she has bone marrow cancer. It’s already spread throughout her body, and chemo won't help—she’s going to die. They told her she has about three weeks left to live.

I've seen my mom only twice since she got out—once when I was 13 and again when I was 15. Both times were awful. My grandparents and a bunch of other people were in the room, so it was supervised, but it didn’t make it any easier. The experiences were incredibly hard and very negative.

Now, her dying wish is to see me, and I just can’t do it. Mentally, I can't. Even thinking about it makes me hyperventilate and cry. Everyone in my family is calling me a horrible person for not going to see her, and the pressure has been unbearable. Literally everyone has been telling me I have to go.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

My grandparents won’t let me get my driver’s license, but I know how to drive. So I packed a week’s worth of clothes, grabbed my blanket, took my uncle’s credit card, and got the truck keys. Then I just started driving and didn’t stop. I ended up about eight hours away, give or take.

I’ve been gone for a few days. I got a hotel room using a fake ID and paid with my uncle’s credit card. And now... I don’t know what to do. I know I’m going to be in serious trouble when I go home. I don’t even know how to get home.

I’m really scared.

I just want to go home and cuddle with my grandma. I just want to scream into the void.