My husband wants a divorce over financing of a vehicle. Am I the asshole?

This is a really hard thread to type.

My husband (37m) and I (36f) have been together 2+ years. It doesn’t sound long, I know, but it has been a “when you know you know,” type situation. Or so I thought. My husband and I had a very great relationship. We’ve never had any super severe problems. He’s not a buy you random flowers, or take a load off your plate kind of guy. But he’s always been emotionally supportive, and truly my best friend since day one.

I’ve been feeling like his priorities have been a bit off for a bit now. We have three animals, two large dogs, and one cat. He recently took a job, working away for 8+ months, with really not break in between. I was initially shocked to hear that he agreed to the job WITHOUT consulting me. In my mind, you consult your wife before agreeing to a job that could affect our relationship. But he promised that this would be for our future, so, I had my moment and chose to support him in the best way I knew how. We’ve seen each other once since he left ( he left almost 2 months ago ) and that was because I made the effort to get there. I also came prepared with some home made goodies as I know how long his days are. For some more context- I also work a full time job, I take care of the house/ and the lawn, and our animals. So what I’m trying to say is that my plate is full. Because of all of this, some resentment was starting to form- and I can’t admit, was affecting my mood regularly. But I haven’t let it become an issue, as I started going back to therapy.

He believes his efforts are overlooked as he calls me for maybe max an hour nightly. We talk when he can throughout the day but that’s all.

So fast forward. We wanted a new vehicle. One of ours is no longer working efficiently and we’re spending more money trying to keep it on the road than if we financed something newer.

So we started the process. He’s away, so I’ve done all of the behind scene things and test drove multiple vehicles that we had both agreed we liked. This past week we found “the one” and when it was time to go through with it, he suddenly didn’t like it. So I was a bit bummed, as I was excited.

My husband then chose to go out for dinner that night, with some close friends. No issues. I went on with my night, and heard from him a couple hours later, him messaging about how he wasn’t interested in the vehicle. I had thought that surely by now we could let it go and move on. I told him that it was a bit alarming how difficult this process has been as I think it should be somewhat exciting, so I wanted to know how we were going to make it work. As in easier or more smoothly, or if we should hold off until he’s able to be here.

He then called me and asked for clarification. I was two words in trying to explain myself before he lost it. He raised his voiced and kept repeating how he was done. The relationship is over. I felt shocked, so I kept asking for clarification. He kept talking over me and telling me how terrible of a wife I was to him. How crappy I make him feel, etc etc. About an hour later, he called me and had retracted everything saying he wants to make this work and that he loves me more than anything. He kept reiterating that I’m his priority and we will figure this out together. I’m an emotional mess, but I love him so I believe his words.

Fast forward a couple of days as nothing has really happened. I’m under the impression that he wants to make it work, but now I’m having fears about the what F just happened. I’m unsure how to move forward as I feel like the efforts to fix this are already falling on me. Over a fucking vehicle. Every time we’ve communicated since it’s been about him and how stressful this is to him.

I’m currently packing up my life, and getting ready to leave the home he originally bought and there is no remorse or sadness for me leaving.

I guess I’m seeking an opinion. Am I the asshole? Could I be a more supportive partner? I don’t really know what to feel about this. I’m shocked and I guess looking to see what other people would think/ feel about this.