i hate my grandmother who commited suicide.

He died when I was very young, I was 3 years old, it was only 10 years later that I found out how he had died. During all that time (of not knowing how she had died) I loved her with all my soul and always had her in mind. Now, three years after finding out, I can't help but hate her, and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. He ruined our lives, he ruined my life.

He is a shadow over me all the time, I don't want every important moment to come with his absence hanging behind, I don't want what he did to be a part of me, I don't want your decision to define me. But it does, and it destroys me. Does the same thing happen to anyone else?