Olanzapine making things worse

My doctor put me on Olanzapine, and I’ve held it off for a bit (~2 months), I decided to try and start it, because I was tired of being a prisoner to my own mind.

I’ve taken it 3 times, the first two being consecutive nights and then i missed 2 days, and took it at 10 in the morning. Each time it’s done nothing but make things worse, and I don’t like the sound of all those side effects, especially the Diabtetes because I already have some health issues. I want my doctor to switch me but I don’t know how I can stick it out until the next time I see her. Why would she put me on a medication like this??? does she hate me???