Need advice about in laws

I posted this in r/relationships too. Just need answers.

I (28F) know I’m not the first to deal with this. They (26M & 27F) dated and broke up before we met. It was a 4.5 year relationship that ended in her cheating on him. Apparently after the break up a few of his family members stayed friends with her as he never told his family except his sister that she cheated. My sil told me a few months ago that she regrets cheating and compares everyone to him. She hasn’t been able to take anyone serious since my husband.

So fast forward to 2023 when we met. He and I had both been single for close to two years although I do have two kids from a previous relationship where my husband did meet their bio dad ONE time before he dipped for good and is no longer in mine or our children’s lives. My husband knew having my ex in our life was a possibility as we have kids together. Luckily we don’t have to deal with him. However, my husband only has one biological child and that’s our daughter. So I don’t truly see a reason for his ex to still be around.

For added context, my husband’s cousin texted us on Thanksgiving saying

“Hey guys, I thought group chat would be better. I wanted to let you guys know out of respect that, ——- moved in with me a week ago. We stayed friends and we wanted to help each other out by living together. Especially with me being a single mom. Out of respect she will not be coming to thanksgiving, and She is going to stay away from all the family stuff. I hope this does not affect anything. I can't wait to see you guys! I love y'all”

But since then, there’s been multiple incidents where they give us a heads up that’ll she be attending. My husband has been pissed since the group chat with his cousin on Thanksgiving and has made it clear each time that if she’s there we won’t go. He has no issues setting boundaries with his family. That makes me feel so much better because I don’t want to meet her. I’m not interested. I don’t see the need and to be completely honest I know I’d feel type of way too much and it’d show on my face. I don’t want to be rude to his family, I love them a lot and for the most part they seem to like me and love all three of our kids. The problem is they keep inviting me to hang out with her. Especially anytime I visit them without my husband. But I think that’s weird. I don’t want to introduce her to our kids and I always bring them with me. It’s getting to the point I don’t want to visit them anymore until she’s not in the picture. I always feel uncomfortable when they ask me to be around her and I’ve always been adamant about not wanting to meet her. I’m currently in town to visit his family while my husband is visiting his out of state family. So I asked his family to hangout and they invited me to a cookout but let me know she’d be there. We live two hours away from them so I’m genuinely hurt that they’re choosing to have her at family gatherings over me and our kids when we’ve repeatedly said where we stand on the situation. I’m not really sure how to move forward from this. They even told me several times that she’s cool with meeting me and we’re alike so we’d be friends. I don’t want to make it a whole big thing. I just never see myself casually hanging out with her and just wish she’d move on.

any advice on how to not let it bother me! Or how to politely let them know I won’t be visiting anymore until she’s no longer around.

tl;dr my husbands family still loves his ex and despite telling us “Out of respect she will not be coming to thanksgiving, and She is going to stay away from all the family stuff.” a direct quote from his cousin, there’s been numerous occasions they’ve let us know she’ll be at family events. I don’t know how to deal with it moving forward as I’m continuously getting my feelings hurt. I’m not asking them to choose between us because that’s immature and clearly they all (except my angel Sil) wants her around.