PLEASE HELP ME😭

Hey Reddit, I’ve been carrying this story in my heart for almost a year now, and it feels like the right time to finally share it. Maybe some of you will understand what I’m going through, or maybe you can offer advice on how to move forward.

About 15months ago, I met someone online. From the very beginning, we both agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious like just casual conversations, no pressure, no expectations. But slowly, as days turned into weeks, something unexpected happened and we grew attached. We started talking every day, sometimes for hours, sharing stories about our lives, our dreams, fears, and everything in between.

To me, he was more than just someone to chat with ,he felt like a soulmate. His personality was incredible. He was funny in a way that could brighten even my darkest days, and empathetic in a way that made me feel truly seen and heard. Conversations with him flowed effortlessly,he could talk about anything and everything, from silly jokes to deep emotional topics, always knowing how to listen and respond with care and understanding.I litteraly put him on a pedestal and to see your partner that way felt rare and beautiful.

4months later, he finally came to see me in person(he lives far far from me) , it was during one of the hardest times in my life, my father was seriously ill in the hospital. Despite all the stress and pain I was going through, I made time for him because being with him felt like a light in the darkness, everything felt right and we had so much fun. Those days we spent together were perfect, moments I still hold on to dearly. He told me “I love you” the day he was leaving and those words struck me deeply, especially at a time when I felt so vulnerable. I believed him. I wanted to believe in us.

But after he returned home and about a month later, things changed. I was planning to go visit him during november 24 but the warmth and closeness we had began to fade. He grew distant, less responsive, and more withdrawn. So I asked him on a phone call , and out of nowhere, he ended things. He didn’t give me any real reasons he just said, “I’m sorry, I don’t think this is going to work.” That vague and sudden explanation shattered me. I was left confused, heartbroken, and desperate to understand what I did wrong or what I missed but my immediate response at that time was ‘okay’. He tried to reach out to me few times after to apologize and express that if I decide to forgive him down the line he hopes we can still communicate and check up on each other as friends but I asked him for distance because i deserved transparency and clarity and he didn’t give me that.

Then, life dealt me its hardest blow and my dad passed away shortly after our breakup. I was overwhelmed with grief, barely holding myself together. During those darkest days, the one person who had told me “I love you” went completely silent. Not once did he ask how I was, or reach out to check on me. I reached out to him twice, hoping for some support, some kindness. Eventually, he called me once, and we spoke for about thirty minutes, but it didn’t fill the emptiness or heal the wounds. It felt like I was grieving two losses, my dad and him.

Feeling broken and overwhelmed, I decided to unfollow him on all platforms because carrying the weight of missing someone who had disappeared when I needed him most was too much. I needed to move on. But just a week later, I woke up to being blocked everywhere social media, phone, everything and has stayed SILENT EVER SINCE.

Since then, I’ve tried to move on. I’ve built a successful life, traveled to new places, and met new people. On the outside, I’m doing well. But inside, he’s still there in the back of my mind, in my memories, in the “what ifs” I replay constantly.

I keep asking myself: How could someone who said “I love you” just disappear like that? How could he not check on me during the hardest time of my life? Did he ever really mean the words he said? Was I just a convenient story for him until he found someone else? Does he already have someone new in his life, and was I just a chapter to him?

I feel stuck in this emotional limbo, it’s been 9months and I’m unable to fully let go or move on. Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you heal when the person you trusted, who felt like your soulmate, just walked away without looking back? How do you find closure when you don’t even have clear reasons for why it ended?

Thank you for reading. I’m really hoping for advice or support.