What is wrong with me?

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I keep having “talks” in my head, a two “person” talk about where things are messing up.

There’s always an extremely anxious voice in my mind that whines and cries at every moment it could get. Any anxious thought, a passing depression, or just if something disappointing ever happens.

“Oh my god you’re going to die in your sleep!” “What if you never wake up?” “We need to get out” “I need to go home” “The sun is probably going to explode! You won’t find out in 8 minutes! What if you go to bed now and those 8 minutes happen?” “There’s something wrong with you!” “Maybe if you got sick somebody would care for you”

It gets annoying, I don’t know where it’s from, it doesn’t feel like me but it’s always going to be a part of me. Then there is always a second voice that just screams with how annoying it could be, how I’m stupid, how my choices are stupid.

“Why would you think something like that would happen?” “You’re just being stupid” “Stop whining, you’re overdramatic” “Nobody is going to wait for you if you go missing” “Why would anybody care what happens?” “You just whine all the time!” “You should be grateful”

I’ve caught myself whispering and muttering two lines over and over again, “I want to go home” and “We need to get out”

It’s always happens when I can’t understand anything, my eyes bug out to the point stable objects shake, or colors start to shift like a very slow rainbow strobe light. I’ve caught myself keeping my eyes open continuously in the shower for minutes, staring and watching the colors change from red to blue, sometimes green.

Please tell me what’s wrong with me. I need to fix this. I can’t do this for much longer. I’m starting to ruin my life.