Being asexual and wanting kids is it's own personal hell (+ how it makes me view sex and relationships)

Maybe it's my own personal feelings on this matter, but being asexual and wanting kids is such a weird combination. My asexuality makes me feel no desire to have sex with anyone. So how does my asexual brain view it in regards to having kids? Like this: "It's just a chore. You'll have to suck it up one day so you can make the baby, maybe it'll be a little enjoyable but let's be honest probably not."

It's such a clinical way to view sex and having children, and I know that I'll probably get a ton of judgement for thinking and feeling this way from non-asexuals and asexuals alike. This mindset affects so much more than people realize. I've dated three people in my life, the first one left me for being asexual after cheating on me, the second one ghosted me after I told him I was asexual, and the third one (my current bf) is accepting of it but I still feel like I'm waiting for him to not be okay with it because of the last two guys I dated.

All relationships are stiff because I don't like physical affection either and I hate being told "I love you" and being expected to say it back. Even the view on the relationship itself is very clinical and "cold" because I'm dating to marry. There is no "we're just dating around" or "this is just casual". If I'm dating someone I expect to marry them and have kids with them one day because that's why I get into relationships in the first place. I like my bf romantically, but I don't love him romantically or sexually.

I also have a hard time understanding people when they have "pregnancy scares" because my brain is like "well why were you doing the activity that makes babies when you didn't want them? It's definitely not that worth the risk."

I've been called a prude, a bitch, cold hearted, been asked if I even have feelings, been told I'll be a terrible wife one day.

Vent over, idk what the goal of this was