Men, Why Would a Husband Tell His Wife She’s Not a Good Mom Because She Didn’t Bond With His Child From a Previous Marriage?

I hope it’s okay to ask this here — I really want honest male perspectives. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. He has a daughter from his previous marriage, and when we got together, I genuinely tried to connect with her. But her mother made our relationship incredibly difficult, and my husband often turned a blind eye to the drama, telling me to “ignore it.” Over the years, I was always the one expected to be the bigger person, even when things got hurtful.

We had a son together, but my husband has never called me a good mom. In fact, he’s flat-out told me he thinks I’m “not a good mom” because I couldn’t fully love or bond with his daughter, despite everything I did to try. Now I feel completely invisible and unappreciated, and it hurts that my efforts as a mom are only judged by one thing.

Men, if you’ve ever been in a blended family (as a parent or a child), how did you want your partner to handle it? Do you think it’s fair to judge a partner’s parenting only by their relationship with your previous child? Am I missing something from the male point of view? Why would a man say something like this, and what would you want your wife to do if the roles were reversed?

I really want to understand how men see this, because I feel lost and hurt.