ADHD and Me?

I know that I need to seek professional medical advice to truly know the answer, but at this time before I make an appointment or have a diagnosis, I just need to talk.

I'm 48 and have been a teacher for 26 years. I'm currently working on my dissertation for my doctorate, but my brain feels fried. I'm almost paralyzed. I don't know where to start. My husband has ADHD and was diagnosed in his mid 30's. As a teacher and the wife of someone with ADHD, I read and watch videos about ADHD to make more sense of the people in my life, so I can help them and myself navigate situations better.

Recently, there has been an influx of reels in my feed about signs of women with ADHD. I'm not sure if I'm being brainwashed to think I have ADHD or if I actually have it. I have observed that it manifests differently in women than in men. I can't stand being in a messy house, even though it sometimes gets messy. It actually affects my mental state. Mess makes me anxious. Somtimes I have to calm myself down not to be pissed at my husband and kids. It's too much clutter and confusion. To be fair to my family, I am usually triggered by little things (a cup in the sink that should be in the dishwasher, a bowl left in the living room, etc.). I am sensitive to background noise, while my husband finds it comforting. I'm sensitive to loud noises, and my husband makes them as a routine. I teach band, so loud noises are part of my job. However, I struggle to teach if anyone in the room is making distracting noises or talking. It takes a lot of positive internal self-talk not to want to scream at people. I generally don't remember what people are talking about during conversations. I lose interest quickly unless it is a topic I'm passionate about. (I have to write things down if I want to remember them.) I want to be interested and engaged, but my brain just goes elsewhere. I have to keep internal dialogue with myself, "Keep listening. Repeat part of what they just said so it seems like I am engaging, Laugh. Don't forget to smile. Don't say something stupid." etc. I always have to be doing something. I never realized it until I was getting examples from women if what it could present as...I pick at myself, always run fingers through my hair (will put some of my hair out), bite my fingernails, tap my feet, and always have to have something in my hands (phone, notebook, book) or something to do when I'm watching tv (scrapbook, puzzle, etc.). I struggle to read a book line by line and remember what I have read, which is a challenge when I regularly read research articles. To do anything well, I have to be very organized and have a plan. That is how I navigated my doctoral classes. Never a late assignment. Always high marks. I had to force myself to stick to my plan. I rarely can buy one of something if there are color options. I can't make a decision. I hate making decisions because I think they will be wrong and I'll regret it later. I could go on, but I can't remember everything I wanted to say and am exhausted.

I know there is so much more to ADHD than what I have mentioned, and this is a little of what I have noticed. Please don't feel that I am trying to make myself into something I am not by jumping on the bandwagon of self-diagnosis. I have respect for people who have to navigate the challenges of ADHD. I live with someone who has it and see him struggle every single day. I want to figure myself out. I feel trapped in a cycle I am struggling to break. Any kind and helpful words would be appreciated. If this is ADHD, I never thought it could be me. I see it presented by adolescents and my husband, but I never thought about how it could be different in women. TIA.