He says he wants to rebuild our relationship, but his actions still reflect the same old patterns. Am I wrong for wanting to let go again?

Problem/Goal: I (32F) want to know if it’s fair to let go of a long-term relationship when my boyfriend (32M) says he wants to rebuild but keeps repeating the same emotional patterns that led to our breakup in the first place.

Context: We started dating in 2013, broke up in 2022 after nearly a decade, and got back together in 2023. Earlier this April 2025, he let me go, , saying he couldn’t be what I needed because he was overwhelmed with personal and family problems. He said he didn’t want to keep hurting me, and I respected that. From April to June, he still replied and reached out now and then. But the conversations felt hollow. He wasn’t emotionally present, just checking in lightly (nothing that showed real effort or clarity). I stayed patient, even when I felt like I was talking to myself most days. I gave him space, stayed supportive, and tried to be understanding without pushing.

Then in June, he came back saying he was okay now but admitted he didn’t really know what to do next. I gently suggested the idea of rebuilding, but I also told him that I was scared to reinvest in someone who still seemed uncertain. Despite that conversation, I soon noticed that his actions hadn’t really changed. He still turns to me for emotional comfort but isn’t there when I need support. He still makes promises, then pulls away. He says one thing, then does the opposite. I’ve started feeling like I’m surviving in this relationship again not growing in it.

It also feels like I’m being asked to trust someone who still isn’t showing up fully. And that scares me to my core because he could do what he did back in April all over again. And if that happens… I honestly don’t know where I’d even begin to pull strength from.

Eventually, I learned to stop overextending and began quietly observing instead of always trying to hold the relationship up on my own.

I noticed something na whenever he senses that I’m pulling away emotionally, he suddenly becomes clingy and affectionate through chats. He messages me nonstop, acts sweet, says he misses me. But once I start opening up again, the effort fades. It feels like he’s more responsive to the fear of losing me than he is committed to actually showing up and being a consistent partner.

Previous Attempts: I tried giving him space during his difficult time earlier this year. I’ve communicated clearly and kindly about how I feel. I stopped overexplaining or demanding change. Instead, I’ve just been observing what he says and does.

He says he’s ready, but his patterns feel familiar: emotionally inconsistent, vague with plans, and avoidant when I express boundaries or vulnerability.

I’m tired. I don’t want to survive love I want to feel safe in it. Is it reasonable to walk away again even after he said he wants to fix things? Or am I giving up too soon?