i was groomed and used and i liked it

20f - when i was younger my mom's bf would use me. it felt good and i enjoyed it. she and he had kids and he made me get involved with them too. now i'm a little older and away from them but i still get turned on by the whole situation and have thoughts of continuing with other people. i'm hypersexual and just constantly want to have sex or masturbate.

i fantasize about what was done to me and what i did to my siblings. it turns me on. i want to do more. my best option at this point is to end it, otherwise i feel like the way things are going i'm going to have kids and continue or something. idk.

sorry this is a jumble i just needed to get my thoughts out i'm not sure how or when but i think the best thing is just to not be alive anymore.