31 [F4A] #Netherlands - (demi-rom, pan, poly) Xxxtra gentle sub-leaning Switch looking for a super gentle Service Top (Switches welcome)

Hi there!

In advance; thanks for reading. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, but I'm a yapper when left to my own devices so we'll see how well that goes :)

A little disclaimer:
First of all I am open to any and all body types, gender expressions, and sexual orientations, however I only have experience regarding sexual intimate relationships with amab people who identify as masc/masc-leaning genderfluid. I've had some singular experiences with afab femmes, but not for a prolonged period of time and without any BDSM dynamic.
So if I say something that's biased, or bigoted; please know I'd love to know so I can stop doing it. I try to be conscious of all possible experiences being a (sometimes visible lgbtqa+) mostly femme-presenting person of mixed color myself, but I have my blind spots. Please don't let me hurt you with my ignorance.
Secondly, I might take some time to respond to your message, and I apologize for that. Just putting up this post is giving me some (read considerable) anxiety and so I kinda have to pace myself when it comes to engaging online with strangers. Give me a week or so before thinking I suck okay? Thank you <3.

I always appreciate it when people start with what they're looking for so I can decide whether to keep on reading, but if you like things the other way around do feel free to read the "Who am I?" part first.

Hard no: humiliation, degradation, reward/punishment, TPE, breath play, blood/knives, sounding, water sports, scat, age-play, extremes of any kind

What I'm looking for as a Sub:

• teasing
• praise
• bondage
• forced orgasm (caveats apply, happy to inform when asked)
• anal
• cock/pussy warming
• curious about: free use, and spanking (as sensation, not as punishment) curious being the operative word. Not willing to physically explore unless expressed otherwise.

I'm generally used to people wanting power over me and my body, and them being turned from the power to play with my boundaries, how much I can "take". I don't want that for myself anymore. I feel like it was an extension of me trying to find peace in someone else's fantasy, and I'm ready to figure out what it's like to have someone enjoy me for who I am rather than how easily my boundaries are influenced once I'm in sub-space.

In essence I'm looking for someone who enjoys being in control during sexual intimacy without feeling the need to subjugate their partner.
I don't quite know how to express how physically sensitive I am. Vibrators make me cum twice, maybe three times before I go completely numb and even experience pain. Personal limit with my hands is well above 10, I have no clue how many times I can climax from oral. I've experimented with a range of toys (not huge, but enough) to know that I really come alive with physical touch. Toys can aid certain types of play ofcourse but I'm mostly interested in skin-to-skin contact. I'm not interested in exploring bdsm-dynamics outside of face-to-face play time.
I want to know what it's like when someone genuinely enjoys my surrender for what it is, and gets turned on by how easy it is to get me in my incredibly willing but somewhat shy, bordering on empty-headed sub-space state.
To know what it's like when someone coaxes me instead of pushing me, truly loving to celebrate my body instead of demanding (repeated) proof of my submission.
Even though the chances are slim, I'd rather wait for someone who really enjoys my type of surrender than trying to make it work with someone who has somewhat differing tastes but is willing to adjust.

So in short I'm very senstive, climax easily, and at this point pretty much desperate for someone willing to spend time on slow, soft touches and motions.

What I'm looking for as a Domme (and in general):

• transparent communication (I only want to play games when we've both agreed to the rules)
• shared curiosity regarding why you want what you want
• being able to talk about sex without turning it into sexy-talk
• building trust with non-sexual activities

I have very little experience as a Domme, but mostly because I've had partners that weren't willing to explore their needs verbally before wanting me to take over control. I don't feel comfortable just doing something willy-nilly. I need to know what it is you want, also so that I can assess whether I feel comfortable doing what you want.

This all might seem 'ugh duhh' to some, but my last foray onto the internet for sexual connection taught me that I really, really, REALLY need to spell everything out.

Who am I?:

Preferably someone that makes people feel like they're not alone. I think I'm wat people call an extraverted introvert? Or the other way around. Anyhow, I like spending time with myself more than with people, but when I'm with people I don't shut up and tend to have a really good time. In addition to that I have a small circle of friends who I love to be around, no matter when or how long. Very much a 'chosen family' type situation, although some ties to blood-relations still exist.
My absolute pride and joy are my two cats who are magnificently, majestically, marvellously stupid. As in: "We went for a walk and my human has left my line of sight so I will sit down and SCREAM until she's found me instead of responding to her call. *purr*"
I'm currently studying at uni for an IT-related field, and a huge list of creative hobbies that have nothing to do with that subject. Someday I'll figure out how personal passion and earning enough money to own a small plot of land in the Mediterranean might work together but for now it's a split camp.

Being demi-romantic and poly is (for me) in practice leading to just having a couple of very good friends (no sexual connections currently) and not really yearning for a romantic connection. I'd rather just have good sex and be genuine friends instead of trying to uphold the general norms that a lot of people base their intimate relationships on. I want to be an addition to each other's lives in an attentive and personalized way. I value knowing and being able to communicate needs above almost everything else.

I also have some mental health issues which can lead me to self-isolate. There's other things involved, but this is the one that can have the most undue influence on (new) social connections. I always try to communicate what's happening, sometimes I just go offline for a week or so for lack of a better word. If people try to reach me during such a period I usually reply with when I'm expecting myself to be able to respond fully again, I do my best to not leave people hanging. That's all to say that I like to think I have a certain amount of empathy and understanding for people who can't answer to general societal standards of interaction/communication, but are making an effort to find what works for them. As long as I'm aware of why you're being different and what you need from me, there's not a lot that makes me go 'ok f*ck you then'.

Depression since early childhood has made me very aware that happinness can be a choice sometimes, so there are lots of things I choose to be happy about. Like nature. Absolute freak that she is, always something interesting on show if you just take a little time to look. I like colors. I don't know what to tell you, just the fact that colors exist and they're all around and I get to see them is a thing I find happinness in.
Another thing is food. Making it, eating it, having someone else clean up the mess. Although I like doing any type of chore or task if I'm doing it with someone I enjoy spending time with.
The way I grew up has also made me very aware that anger is, however tempting as an emotional baseline, not really conducive to getting where I want to be, with my worst being just an unoriginal rant about things that are out of my direct sphere of influence. But I'm generally angry about things like how people can't seem to treat others without exploring the mental and emotional framework of patriachy/capitalism/colonialism/sexism/racism/religion/ableism (sorry if I'm forgetting any of the -isms) and fuck each other over in the process. I know, I know, I've got all the buzzwords and the labels, I've got the cats, I'll yeet the fetus, I'm one of those. I'm still learning how to balance my life so I can channel some of that energy into community-facing activism.

If after all this you feel like responding, I'd really like to know:
How would you describe your relation to domination/submission?
Can you share a positive and a negative core belief you hold?
What are your favorite things to do when you're in a good mood?
What happens when you're in a bad mood?

Dutch or English, doesn't matter to me. And theoretically speaking I don't mind a little bit of distance (Germany, Belgium, France, Spain, UK, Italy, Switzerland are all accessible by train), but I will favor responses from people within Dutch borders. I'm open to exchanging SFW pics after we've established some comfort with each other.
I'm not interested in connections outside of Europe.

If I keep typing there's going to be nothing to talk about so I should stop. One last very, very important belief I hold incredibly dear and close to my heart:
There are two kinds of people in this world; those who yap during movies/shows, and those who don't. For the life of me I can't shut my mouth when watching a movie or a show unless it's occupied, so do with that what you will.

Looking forward to hearing from you :)

X N

Also: all messages that don't start with a regular greeting AND answering the questions I posed will be ignored.

Editx4: spelling, wording