Why do embarrassing things keep happening to me?

I am f(17) Lately, it feels like I’m constantly facing situations that humiliate me or make me feel small. It’s like no matter how careful I am, I always end up in moments that are embarrassing or just mentally draining.

I keep wondering — is this some sort of punishment? I know I’ve made mistakes, and I try to become better, but I still feel like I’m being hit with things over and over. I ask god for forgiveness, but sometimes I feel like He’s upset with me, or like I’m not worthy of peace.

I feel weak, like I can’t stand up for myself or express myself properly. I want to change — to be stronger, calmer, and more confident — but I don’t know where to start.

I get suicidal thoughts and want to disappear sometimes i am tired of being humilated amd tasted