dating is exhausting

Dating in your early 20s is honestly exhausting. Especially when you’re someone who craves connection and ends up taking things to heart when they don’t work out. I recently started seeing a guy, I met on a dating app. Our first date was dinner, second was a Target run and a movie at his place, and the third was a movie, bar, and we ended up having sex.

I felt safe with him. He seemed kind, respectful, and emotionally mature. That meant a lot because I’m always overly sexualized, my body type and love for fitness tends to attract the wrong kind of attention. But he was different. He had self-control, held interesting convos, was a little nerdy (in a good way), super into meme culture like me, and didn’t make me feel weird about my quirks or stimming, things that usually turn guys off fast.

We’re also pretty different (I’m Hispanic and he’s white) and I’ve never dated someone like him before. He’d usually text me at night around 10 or 11 after work, and I didn’t mind it because his texts weren’t sexual. Just fun, thoughtful conversations. Most guys who text late are trying to be flirty or sexual, but he just talked to me like a person.

Everything seemed to be going well until this past weekend. On Friday, I was near his apartment and kind of hinted I wanted to come over. He said yes, we hung out with his roommate for a bit, and later had sex. I had to leave around 4 am because I still live at home and can’t stay out overnight. He asked me to text him when I got home. I did.

We had a date planned for Saturday and I was genuinely looking forward to it. Around 1 pm he canceled because of the rain, which I understood, but he didn’t really offer to reschedule or say when we’d see each other again. I replied “that’s fine :) I was looking forward to it,” and he didn’t respond until the next day and said “we would have to see another day.” After that, I didn’t reply. I guess it just made me feel like I cared more than he did.

And it sucks because I feel like I bring a lot to the table. I’m 22, really into fitness, have a good job in accounting, put effort into how I look, and even run a small business. I’m not out here just looking for attention. I’m working hard on myself and my life, and I want to meet someone who gives that same energy back.

But I keep ending up in situations where I feel like I’m only seen for sex. Guys rarely ask questions about me. I try to be interesting, open, and real—and yet it feels like that’s never enough. It’s just starting to feel like I’m disposable and that hurts more than I want to admit.