AITA for not letting my mom talk to my kids on their birthday after she cut contact with me, following my disclosure of sexual abuse by my father?

AITA

Hi Mark, I’ve listened to your voice for years and never imagined I would have a story to share with you, but here I am.

Your tone and your compassion, have always spoken to me. It means a lot to be able to place my story the same space where I’ve heard so many other people’s stories handled with care. This is my very first Reddit post and I hope I am doing it right.

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I (44F) am Dutch but live in the UK. The rest of my family is in the Netherlands.

A few weeks ago, I disclosed to my family that I was groomed, raped, and sex trafficked by my father and grandfather from childhood until I was 24. These memories came back recently in a tidal wave (somatic, emotional, overwhelming) triggered by therapy, trauma work, and ADHD medication. It took me decades to break through dissociation. I now know I survived long-term incest and intergenerational abuse.

Before the full truth surfaced, I had already been posting short-form anonymous videos about neurodivergence and trauma (I’m late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD). As my recovery intensified, my content became more personal: about what I survived. Family members followed my account but didn’t comment, didn’t check in. I felt invisible again, like the “too intense” one they always tiptoed around.

In desperation, I sent a few videos spelling out clearly what my father and grandfather did, directly to my mother, brothers, aunts, and uncles.

The family didn’t deny it. They knew the men involved were abusive, had always been sexually inappropriate, violent, and controlling. Most relatives expressed support, but it was clear my truth made them uncomfortable. No one sat with me in the aftermath. No one really asked, What do you need?

Some said they were angry these men “got away with it.” My grandfather is dead, and my father vanished abroad over a decade ago. They want me to go to the police, but none of them are beside me for the fallout.

The person I most hoped would be present, was my mother (62F). I told her before I told the others. At first she reacted with shock and support. But that quickly changed.

She said the details were too much for her. She became nostalgic, then defensive. When I expressed pain at not being protected, she snapped that she and my brothers never raped me, as if that absolved her.

She’s refused therapy. She refuses to reflect. She insists she did her best. She claims she’s the one being attacked by me. She’s never asked how I survived. She only asks why I’m making things so “loud.”

I told her I can’t keep carrying her feelings. I begged her to do some inner work, for the sake of our relationship and for my kids. She refused. She was outraged I dared question her love. She said I was exhausting her and that she needed space. I respected that. I backed off.

But a few days later, she texted asking to FaceTime with my children on their birthday. I said no. Now I’m being painted as the villain. For not letting her speak to her grandchildren. For drawing a line. For being “cruel.”

But I’m not trying to punish her. I just can’t keep pretending she’s safe for me, or for my children, when she won’t even face what happened. Our entire relationship I was the one doing all the emotional labor, and I don’t have the capacity for that anymore.

I don’t want revenge. I want healing. But I won’t offer up my children as props in the broken dynamic I’m trying to escape.