Being a Rome obsessed nerd while being Jewish and the ascosiated guilt (spoiler for antisemitism)

This is honestly an absurd problem to have but here’s some backround

I’m Jewish (obviously) specifically I’m a conservative Jew though due to my rural location I do have to attend a reform temple (they know I disagree on a few things and are fine with it)

I am also autistic, specifically type one and I tend to hyperfixate on history. My three main focuses are Jewish history (because my own peoples history is cool to learn), Vikings (cool as fuck, what else can I say) and lastly… Rome, specifically (and worse) the post Nicene Roman Empire (this means the super Christian Rome if you were curious)

I feel really guilty for finding stuff like the borders, the combat maneuvers and the leaders cool

For example my previously favorite emperor Justinian I found out was pretty antisemetic and did a lot of anti Jewish stuff and it just made me feel so guilty for talking so positively about him, and now even I look at his borders and I can’t think anything else than how cool they are.

Not only does it make me feel shame but I worry that some autistic teenage Jew in a few thousand years is going to look at Adolf Hitler not as a disgusting piece of shit, not for the harm he caused on the Jewish people and people in general, not for the Holocaust but as merely a conqueror who “sure did bad stuff but I mean look at those borders” excusing him the same way I do for Rome.

Not only am I seeking advice from some older more experienced folk (as I’m a teenage girl who hardly has work experience let alone experience to know how to deal with the guilt I feel about loving Rome so much) but also how to cope with the fear that such evil people could one day be viewed in a simmalar vein