DAE Love school because it distracts you from anxiety?

I'll start this with my anxiety resume so you understand I'm not just "mildly anxious" - I've had anxiety nearly my entire ass life, been to the hospital many times for heart palpitations and vision problems and random chest pains and such. I've had panic attacks, anxiety episodes, the works. Anxiety is just a part of my life.

HOWEVER, with that being said, I find myself reflecting on my life around last year very often.

For context: September of last year, I was completing an extra year of high school after graduating. Long story short - I changed my career path and I needed to take 3 extra classes to get into the program I wanted. And the program I wanted was VERY competitive (nursing), and I needed incredible grades. I've been a 60s-80s student my whole high school experience, never really got involved, never really tried because I was planning to go to art school originally and that did not require high grades whatsoever.

I was going to be taking advanced level sciences and an additional class to boost my grade average.

So, I was stressed as shit. I needed to pull of the biggest academic comeback in order to get into this program. I needed to aim for mid 90s, with a cutoff of 92. So, I put my big boy pants on and locked. tf. in.

For this semester, I was SO FOCUSED on this goddamn classes. All-nighters became part of the routine, I would take notes and blurt sheets like I was on cocaine. I would study for tests and quizzes days and weeks in advance. I had to organize my time very wisely because sometimes class assignments and quizzes and tests would all add up, being due on the same day sometimes. I went above an beyond with class projects, presentations, labs, tests, I would get every little detail. I scored 100s on multiple quizzes, even had a 100s streak in my advanced Chemistry class felt amazing for my ego. Highest grade was a 98.2 on a test, my only error being significant figures (damn you, sig figs!.) In the end my grades for all 3 classes were 96, 94, 97. My biology teacher actually told me I got the highest score in the entire course that semester (there were 3 total classes).

And despite the stress, the worry, the fear of failure or rejection - my anxiety was at a SHOCKING low. And you might be thinking "erm, stress and anxiety are the same thing!" and let me assure you they are not. Anxiety is worry about what COULD happen, stress is worry about what is currently happening. And the biggest difference is CONTROL. See, I can't control what anxiety tells me. I can't answer the "what-ifs". But, with stress - most often there *is* a factor I can control. I can't control what questions are going to be on the test. I *can* control how much and what I study. I can control if I stay for office hours, or do extra homework, or such. And that is a much better type of anxiety to deal with when there is action you can take.

I think fondly of these times. I wasn't anxious, not really? I didn't worry about things outside of grades, and that made life shockingly simple and peaceful. Like, I can genuinely say that these months were some of the happiest I've had in a long, long time. Being so distracted let me finally get to experience a normal daily life free from ridiculous anxious thoughts. I even had my health anxiety problems slowly fade - visual snow is something that gets worse with anxious periods, and during this time, I can genuinely say I didn't notice it or it improved so much I didn't care for it.

But, now that summer has rolled around, and that semester inevitably ended, my anxiety is back with a vengeance. I don't have a job (economic recession rn!!), I don't really leave the house (car-centered society :( ) and my friends are also homebodies. And phew, I am just alone with my thoughts all the time now.

I'm basically just waiting for September to roll around so I can finally jump into University and experience that same euphoria that comes with being too distracted to focus on anxiety.

Anyone else? Please share your stories as well!