Asexual but I want to experience an orgasm. Is my partner the problem?

Disclaimer: I love my partner. I do my best to be caring, supportive, and empathetic to the fact that they have complex trauma and autism, which is a newer diagnosis they are personally struggling with. This is just a necessary place to vent. I will probably come off as an asshole, but I am in therapy and I put a lot of effort into not being an asshole to my partner or most other people.

Is it possible to orgasm with someone who is emotionally exhausting? As I mentioned above, my partner has complex trauma and a LOT of shame which still controls most of their mental narrative. I knew about their trauma before we got engaged, but the autism diagnosis came a few months before our wedding so learning how to balance those support needs as a couple is still new to us. My partner cries a lot. They have to talk out almost every feeling they have. They react strongly to what is apparently my direct tone of voice which I can't control well enough. Also, my limited ability to be empathic (because I am a twentieth-century historian who is updated on current events) does not align well with their moderate to high support needs. All of these things are okay, and we work hard to be connected and supportive as a couple. But I struggle to see my partner as a capable provider, so it's hard for me to receive pleasure from them during sex. It's hard for us to maintain consistency because I generally don't want to have sex. It's not bad...I just don't want to spend the time and emotional energy for something that will leave me unsatisfied.

All things considered, we have a good sex life. But I am asexual and have never orgasmed. Not with them (my first and only sexual partner) and not by myself. I have tried seven types of toys, multiple settings, a wide variety of porn, and stimulation from an actual person. No amount of time or environmental changes can do it for me. I get close, I think, and then anything sexual in my brain and body just shuts off. Am I doomed to never experience the pleasure of sex or could the problem be my partner? Would I orgasm with another person who I wasn't living my daily life and therefore daily stresses with? Is the missing piece someone who I can trust to take over so my brain can finally shut off and follow through on its biological design for pleasure? I know that I'm asexual because sex doesn't interest me but a rush of happy brain chemicals and not having to carry the shame of not being able to orgasm would be amazing.

I couldn't cheat on my partner, because they couldn't emotionally handle it and I won't add hurt like that to their trauma list. But I can't help wondering if I'm missing something. I also don't want to feel jealousy when I make my partner orgasm multiple times, because they deserve that and I'm happy to provide. I just wish that someone could provide for me.