If I was born as a cis man instead of FTM I'm 100% sure I would be transphobic due to misinformation

In most spaces I've been in, not even just LGBT groups, but also for childhood abuse survivors, I've felt very... excluded for being binary. I was even pressured to "be" nonbinary even though I already knew I was FTM and was socially transitioning (IRL group, before the covid hellscape)

Not to get into it too much, but both me and my father experienced sexual abuse at the hands of my biological mother. She was trying to groom me into being a lesbian when I started expressing dysphoric traits early in childhood. Since my abuse was perpetrated by an "accepting queer woman" with a history of sexual abuse, I can hardly ever talk about how insane the mindfuck of it all was.

It's even worse when I see LGBT communities respond to the sexual abuse stories of cis men, claiming that if it wasn't at the hands of a man it's alright because a woman couldn't hurt them as badly. My dad hardly talks about his experience, because this view has become the normal way to view male survivors. If your abuser wasn't also male, you're told to kick fucking rocks.

I see people try to convince my male loved ones near to me that they are "eggy" for having nerdy interests, and push them towards... "cracking"? Even when told to stop. Any sign of social awkwardness or personality gets interpreted into them joining the skirt go spinny club. It's a very much sexist view, but repackaged into the most ass backwards thing I've ever seen. Women aren't women because they are soft spoken or shy? Men are allowed to be meek? How did we go backwards?