I miss my friend so much

I put the tag just as a warning since this does involve sexual assault and the like.

I was friends with two guys, im just gonna call them R and T, and we were friends with each other as well as in a larger group of around seven people I’d say. R and T were dating, which wasn’t an issue at all, however the main most pressing issue happened when T went and sexually assaulted my friend, another person in the group, while still in a relationship with R. It took a while for my friend to tell the rest of the group about it, but as soon as I was told the truth I immediately dropped T. No questions asked. It wasn’t a “hearing both sides” of the story kind of thing, as T is in general a giant fucking creep who had made advances on pretty much anything that moved (including me) for the sake of “jokes”.

I had to keep my friend from killing himself because of how awful he felt afterward after what had happened. During this, R is still hanging out with T, but after my friend told R about what T did, things change. R reveals that T had left them a month ago and that they had stayed friends but don’t talk anymore. Things seem fine for a moment, and me and R grow closer since T had done horrible shit to pretty much everyone (me included, but not here to talk about that), and R sees the full extent of what happened to my friend and feels “remorseful”.

At about the beginning of May, I noticed that R had stopped hanging around the group. I had a heart to heart with him asking him why, and he tells me that he is still friends with T and had lied to all of us. As much as I wanted to scream at him (and I truly, truly wish I did), I just told that although I couldn’t stop him, I still cared deeply for him and I thought that he’d have enough common sense to drop this shit and get over it. But, as soon as soon as everyone else found out, R dropped everyone, me included. And as much as I hate myself for it, I miss him like a mf.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about X-Men anymore. To vent to when life’s rough. I don’t have a shoulder to lean on that had been promised to me would always be there. I’m genuinely so hurt that he would do this over T, who not only molested someone and assaulted others (me included), but also doesnt even give two shits about him and left him for a fling in the past. I hate that I was valued so little that two years of friendship could be dropped just like that.

I hate that my last impression of my ex best friend is a loser cuck that had so little self respect that they’d choose to be a little bitch over the biggest loser alive. I hate that I miss him even more. I don’t know how to get over it. It’s been a month and im still butt hurt about it. Any advice wouod be great, if possible. Thanks for reading also