Today Was a Good? Day - 6/29/2025

Often, I find myself dreading what's ahead of me. Over the past couple of years, that feeling has almost been constant: not really wanting to live life, just wanting the time to tick by so that I could get to the next stage of my life.

I acknowledge that this is a horrible way to live, but I've just been trying to survive. Who has the time to be happy when you're pretty much drowning in most other aspects?

Over the last month, for the first time in almost four years, I was allowed a break. Before, just like always, I had been dreaming about this break almost constantly. Long story short, this period of time has easily been one of the most dreadful, weirdest experiences of my live. Undoubtedly, I realized that my overwhelming anxiety and racing thoughts were in fact not caused by my surrounding situation, but my own mind. I have been doing anything to make the time go by faster.

Recently, I have been faced with a significant challenge regarding financing my upcoming education. I won't get into many details, but the situation scares the wits out of me. Upon discerning the fact that I may have to take a gap year, I realized another, much scarier hurdle: without a goal to achieve (education, usually), I am absolutely miserable.

So, in the matter of a day, I went from hours of lying in my bed with reoccurring depression to furiously searching for emergency education funding.

Somehow, someway, I'm happier. I know I shouldn't be, because my whole life may be crumbling down as I know it.

But, I am.