Gender Disappointment

I recently figured out I’m having my second girl. Trust me when I say that I’m still thrilled that she is coming and I know I will love her just as much as my first daughter. All leading up to learning about the gender at the 20 week anatomy scan, I have been trying to play it down that I could care less of it were a boy or a girl, knowing subconsciously that I really wanted a boy. I guess maybe I was hoping talking myself into it would make finding out about a second girl less of a struggle. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth when we found out. When the nurse told us it was a girl I felt the walls close in on me, and my heart sink into my stomach. For the past two weeks, I have really been struggling about the validity of my feelings and whether or not I should even be allowed to be upset about this. I especially feel awful because I know how many people struggle to just have one child let alone two beautiful children. I just keep thinking of all the experiences with a son that I will never get to have. Am I a complete asshole for feeling this way?