Communicating to my wife about wanting to feel desired

My wife (53f) and I (55m) have been married 20 years and I believe very good communication about sex and intimacy. This morning, though, I don’t think I handled a particular conversation well.

Because of visitors and teenagers in and out of the house on a daily basis it’s difficult for us to find time to connect. Often we will have to take opportunities as they randomly arise, when we have the house to ourselves or in mornings when we don’t have meetings (we both work from home). This morning (Sunday) I had hoped to have morning sex when she woke up, but she slept in and wasn’t feeling great, so we took a rain check.

I did take that opportunity to mention, however, that I’d appreciate if she was more aggressive and passionate with initiating. Often I feel like she will initiate with a “you may have me now” vibe rather than a “I really wanna f—k you” vibe. I said that permission is not the same thing as passion, and I want to feel desired sometimes too.

She took the comments well and said she will take that into account. But she did note that my bringing it up right after being rejected felt a little retaliatory. I said that was fair and was sorry about the timing, but the comment was still valid and something I’ve been thinking about. She understood.

How can I have this conversation in a more effective way?