Wild... Literally like everyone else... Again.

Long story short, I have been separated from my wife for four months. It still hurts and feels like I am mourning her death. I left her after an extremely specific and important boundary was crossed. And like all of you, I just "up and abandoned" her and she has "never been happier" because "**the abusive and manipulating monster is gone."

** Quick side note: I've recently asked my therapist, "what's the difference between a boundary and ultimatum? What's the difference between self worth and position with boundaries vs manipulation?" He was puzzled. After explaining how my wife would often specifically use the word ultimatum, even when she was laying down boundaries. In fewer and more direct words, she once said, "I'm x years old, and we have been together five years, and I want to be married... So moving forward and next steps and goals must be communicated and decided, or I cannot continue waiting." She claims this an ultimatum. However... It was a very healthy boundary where she had a specific goal in life and dynamic she worked to have one day, and two adults were allowed to talk about that and decide to tackle it or realize they wouldn't be able to get through it together. It took me several months to understand that a bad taste in my mouth from years ago shouldn't be in the way of another woman's dream and my potential forever as well... Totally respectable boundary. I had one rule when it came to arguments, fights, contemptuous acts... NONE of it would ever be in front of the children, as that is what I was trying to protect them from since they were born. This was an easily acceptable boundary, and even if there were any openly and negativly expressed feelings, we then made sure to finish it out openly as well with "I understand how you feel, and I am sorry for not being more understanding and listen to what you needed... I love you and am here to listen. (Kiss, hug)" But recently, I've begun questioning my parenting, my accepting of others' actions and treatment, and then the motives behind everything. I realize that this is the PTSD and part of the repairing process of navigating what you experienced with a pwBPD. But positive and healthy motives make a decision or process or rule a boundary. Selfish and disrespectful motives make it an ultimatum or manipulative choice. It's a shame that this simple and communal understanding of respect for self and others just doesn't exist in their processing.

Anyway, to the part where I seem to have caught up to many of you... And I suppose also having to deal with this pwBPD's inability to understand boundaries and only manipulation... I just get in from taking care of my garden. I was supposed to meet up with a new friend and was just taking care of some household things. But then my dog starts howling. He usually howls when the kids are away for too long. But then after his howls, I heard a very specific song... My wife was outside blasting it from her car. After she had a bullshit charge placed against me AND asked for an OoP, which I have been more than happy to obey given her actions landed me in multiple courts (half of them to defend HER actions that caused all of this mess). So yeah, I'm not allowed to contact her, anywhere near her, etc... That's completely fine. But, I'm getting multiple text messages questioning my love for her, asking me to speak with her... And then she just sits outside my home... And when I obey the orders and rules, I am the fucking monster who abandoned her all over again... One or two of her family or friends (or maybe even her?) have been messaging me regarding making secret messages for her... Someone else messaged me that she thought some guy was in love with her and he may be the one. I've had 3-5 other messages from random numbers concerned for her well being...

Something not discussed enough here is that beyond the pwBPD responsible for their own therapy, actions, and reasoning, these people's family and friends most likely just fucking suck... I understand if the pwBPD is all alone with no support. But the friends and family that support this shit... Sheesh...

So yeah, I'm at the "stalked" and "I got your message from the birds" phase.

Anyway, hope you're all finishing up a good weekend.